TV Land PRIME blog

Curb Your Enthusiasm Joins TV Land

TVLTheLink — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:47:17 GMT

Check out the TV Land PRIME article "Curb Your Enthusiam Joins TV Land."

Photo courtesy FilmMagic

You can discuss the show and TV Land's acquisition of it on the Curb Your Enthusiasm board.

Message Edited by TVLTheLink on 11-09-2009 12:55 PM

Future Articles in this Blog

TVLTheLink — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 14:13:12 GMT

Future articles in this blog will appear at the new TV LAND BLOGS.

Joan Rivers and the American Dream ... Party

Sammy_Buck — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 14:39:47 GMT

I learned a new recipe tonight at Joan Rivers' apartment: Smoked Salmon Crepes. Delicious.

I am so not giving the recipe away, but I will let you in on some other secrets I learned at Ms. Rivers' East Side palace in NYC.

Wait. Pinch me. I was at JOAN RIVERS' APARTMENT tonight!

She threw a party for all the millionaires who appear on her new TV Land PRIME show, How'd You Get So Rich? I got to go because, while I am not a millionaire, I am pretty and do have a Ferragamo tie, plus I was dying to know what would happen if you got all these "ordinary people who made big bucks" together in a room with guests like Hoda Kotb, Katie Couric and Joy Behar.

The first thing I noticed was the piano. Joan has a lovely spread of photos on top of the grand, some poignant snaps of her late husband Edgar, some frightening representations of her legendary '80s 'do. The pianist was playing -- apropos of the evening -- songs like "If I Were A Rich Man," "We're In the Money" and "Pennies From Heaven." Speaking of heaven, Joan's ceiling is painted like Hogwarts - with a sky and, I am convinced, an actual flying dove. It went with the trompe l'oeil of her foyer (oh, did I mention she's one of those people who lives in a building where the elevator doors open into her own private foyer?). The only way I can describe said foyer is, well, ya know that part in Mary Poppins when they go into cartoon land and sing "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"? Yeah, it's kinda like that landscape behind the funny-looking people. And it was a jolly ‘oliday with Joanie.

When I took the elevator, I met one of the rich folk: George Boudreaux, who created butt paste. You know, the stuff you put on babies' bottoms to prevent diaper rash. George and his wife are lovely, down-to-earth people (unlike some of Joan's celebrity guests). Turns out he had been a pharmacist and created the paste to help people.

In fact, many of the wealthy folk on Joan's show remind me of the Schoolhouse Rock song about Mother Necessity - how most inventions are borne from need. I met Gary Clegg, who created the Slanket because he was cold. His story, which I learned from his mother Marylyn, is a wonderful tribute to having both a need for a product and a mother who's willing to store yards of fabric in her house and to sew. I'm not going to give the details away - you can watch episode 106 and hear his inspiring tale.

When I wasn't chatting with the fabulous Marylyn or turning down hors d'oeuvres (I was afraid to eat for fear of smiling at Katie Couric with poppy seeds in my teeth), I spent some time eavesdropping. Some reporter had a mission to ask every newscaster guest in the room what she thought of Joan's apartment. Rosanna Scotto apparently loves the chandelier but wouldn't want the gilding in her house. Katie also made a comment about the gilding and got giddy at the mention of Joan's bathroom. Myself, I have the second smallest bladder in the world, but fear of leaving the seat up kept me from seeing what a Riversesque john looks like.

Speaking of Johns, it took every fiber in my being not to go up to Jonathan Tisch and ask him to invest in my show. Hell, there were so many people in that room, even the producers of the Spider-Man musical could capitalize their multifrillion dollar budget. But I was a good boy. I kept my cool when Hoda and Joan each came over to Marylyn (the proud mother). Hoda took a picture with Marylyn, but Joan had a moment of PDD (Publicist Deficit Disorder) and was whisked away. Hoda is very tall. Seriously, I'm like 6 feet. I swear she's Yao Ming in heels.

My favorite couple of the evening (other than a pair of clearly fake boobs I saw on some blond) was Joy Behar and radio diva Joan Hamburg, who arrived together as each other's date. Joy told someone she came just so she could see the apartment. Joy: I think it, you speak it. And I love you for that. It makes up for the time when you told me I was too loud.

Because of this evening, I have a new goal in life. No, it's not to be Donny Deutsch, who could pull off a blue shirt with white collars, but it is to emulate the rich folk on the show.

Joan toasted these people as the embodiment of the American Dream. It was an inspiration, leading me to believe more in my own ideas (why didn't I think of butt paste!?), and in the ability to prosper from them.

Oh - that whole salmon thing? It was the only hors d'oeuvre I ate - and ate. And ate. They also had Croque Monsieurs, quesadillas and little polenta thingies. I refrained - and when I smiled at Katie (who has not aged, ever), my teeth were clean.

Photo credits: George Kraychuk/Picture Group

Message Edited by Sammy_Buck on 08-05-2009 10:42 AM

Top 5 Michael Douglas Moments on Film

Sammy_Buck — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 13:40:48 GMT

Since I grew up in the 70s, I think of Michael Douglas, a.k.a. Steve Keller -- with his hair and proximity to the late great, Karl Malden on The Streets of San Francisco -- as major groovy.

I'm thrilled that AFI shares my fondness of Mr. Zeta-Jones. I'm sure celebrities will do a much better job than I in sharing fun anecdotes (since they actually worked with him, as opposed to me, who went to college across the street from where he won his Best Actor Oscar®). Still, I'd like to take a moment to pay some tributes to my favorite Michael Douglas moments in history:

1. Doing Glenn Close in the kitchen. I just turned 40 and would never let my butt hang out of my shirt the way he did. His portrayal of Dan Gallagher also set the tone for many Michael Douglas roles of "privileged white guy in the kind of trouble we would never get into unless we were President of the U.S. from 1993 to 2001." Which brings me to...

2. The Game, Disclosure, Basic Instinct. He is the poster child for the paranoid successful men who get in way over their heads. Funny how he played a virile Commander in Chief in The American President during the Clinton years.

3. Two words: Jack T. Colton. Romancing the Stone is one my favorite movies ever. The script is sooooo tight and brilliant - and Michael Douglas's Indiana Jones-ish character is fun in his dance of trustworthiness with his perfect foil, Kathleen Turner.

4. "I got more square footage." In playing the husband in the cautionary tale of divorce in The War of the Roses, he got to play out every revenge fantasy and say all the things even people in good relationships sometimes want to say. And, let's face it: He is so man enough to take on Kathleen Turner... yet again.

5. Of course, the obvious: Greed is good. Yes, he won the Oscar for seminal '80s-sleazemonger Gordon Gekko in Wall Street. It was a magnetic performance. But that same year was the year of the bare-butted Gallagher, and that role, in my humble opinion, was more of a challenge. Plus, he DID GLENN CLOSE IN THE KITCHEN! And the elevator. And... and...

Finally, I want to slap the Academy for not nominating him for Wonder Boys. Sure, sure, he's two for two (in addition to Wall Street, he won for producing One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest). But he went soooo against type in Wonder Boys - because this time, instead of battling Kathleen Turner or Glenn Close, he had to go mano y mano with Richard Thomas - John Boy Walton himself. And in that movie, he kinda loses. How non-MichaelDouglasian of him - and THAT, my friends, is Oscar-worthy.

Mr. Douglas won't be ignored. I look forward to watching the tribute on TV Land PRIME, July 19 at 9PM.

Photos courtesy (top to bottom): Getty Images, Paramount Pictures, Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images.

Actor Karl Malden Dies at 97

Kristy_Ojala — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 05:52:06 GMT

Award-winning actor Karl Malden died of natural causes today at his home in Brentwood, Calif., according to his family. He was 97.

The legendary star with a penchant for playing tough guys was born to a Serbian father and Czech mother on March 22, 1912 in Chicago. He left a steel-factory job during the Depression to try his hand at theater - a move that paid off when he relocated to New York City in 1937. After a handful of notable Broadway roles and a brief break for a tour of duty in the armed services, he was spotted by director Elia Kazan, who would later direct him in his Oscar-winning role as gritty Father Barry in On the Waterfront.

Malden's star continued to shine, with roles in Birdman of Alcatraz, How the West Was Won and Cheyenne Autumn (John Ford's last picture). But his big break came when he switched to television and took the role of no-nonsense veteran cop, Det. Lt. Mike Stone, in the 1972 series Streets of San Francisco. His co-star was then unknown actor Michael Douglas.

Douglas is being honored with the 37th AFI Life Achievement Award, which airs on TV Land July 19; Malden recently took the time to give an exclusive interview for the special ceremony, telling Douglas he'd be honored to be his adopted father.

Malden was the President of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences from 1989 to 1992, and was also well known as the longtime, trench-coated spokesman for American Express, warning travelers to "never leave home without it."

Malden is survived by his wife, Mona, to whom he was married for 70 years, and two daughters.

Photos courtesy Getty Images.

TV Legend Ed McMahon Dies at 86

Kristy_Ojala — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 17:14:12 GMT

Ed McMahon, Johnny Carson's congenial sidekick on The Tonight Show for more than 30 years, passed away in L.A. early Tuesday. He was 86.

According to his publicist, McMahon had a "multitude of health problems the last few months." He was diagnosed with bone cancer.

The co-host's most famous phrase - "Heeeeeeeeere's Johnny!" - still resonates with legions of TV fans, from Johnny Carson viewers to horror film buffs (who notably saw Jack Nicholson proclaim it during The Shining's infamous axe-to-door scene). McMahon was a tirelessly charming personality, hosting American Idol predecessor Star Search from 1983 to 1995; was the face of the Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy Telethon; co-hosted TV Bloopers and Practical Jokes with Dick Clark from 1982 to 1998; and in 2004, was the face of a TV Land original series, Alf's Hit Talk Show.

McMahon was known to a younger generation as the proud face of Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes, and more recently appeared in a Super Bowl commercial with MC Hammer, rapping about his (real-life) money woes and hawking a gold toilet and other items for Cash For Gold. He and his wife, Pam, also appeared on an episode of Cesar Millan's Dog Whisperer with their troublesome terrier, Gus.

The legendary sidekick made headlines in 2007 and 2008 for a string of financial and legal struggles, including a battle with toxic black mold in his house, a fall from a ladder that broke his neck, and an offer by Donald Trump to purchase and sublet McMahon's house, which was in foreclosure, in order to allow him to stay in it. In February he was hospitalized for complications from pneumonia, and his condition continued to worsen.

McMahon is survived by his wife, three sons and three daughters.

Photos courtesy: WireImage and Getty Images.

Message Edited by Kristy_Ojala on 06-23-2009 01:17 PM

She's Got the Look -- of a Crazypants

Sammy_Buck — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 20:44:23 GMT

You know you're in trouble when Rod Stewart's ex-wife looks at you and declares you are the most bizarre thing she's ever experienced in her life.

But that happened to She's Got The Look's Laurie when she flashed her ladybumps at Rachel Hunter and the rest of the judges on last night's episode.

Laurie, in a bold display of mania, went topless in front of the judges to "stop the circus." You have to admit it was disturbingly honest. She isn't playing a game. This chick is über cray-cray and unafraid to show it. In fact, as we learned in the first episode, to be called crazy is a supreme compliment.

She had a mission to take care of the girls. She had a message - that America is a country of consumption and gluttony (where were you before the stock market crash, Laurie?), and that if you're not taking care of your body temple, you're exploiting everything God gave you.

So bless her heart, because at least you know where you stand with her, unlike some of the other women who are keeping their freak flag at half-mast. Shelly, who bears a striking resemblance to Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls, is revealing a side of herself that is quite different from her demure audition. And LeeAnne must be masking something with her needy chatter. By the way, check out this clip from the green room, where the ladies deconstruct Laurie's actions. Shelly and LeeAnne are sitting next to each other; I have never seen so much tension seething between two women since the final season of The Golden Girls.

But I must must must go back to my soul twin, Laurie. Yeah, soul twin: I am not sure if you caught this, but she is an ENFJ on the Bristol Myers personality test. That's what she told the judges, clarifying that she was "bottom right quadrant" like Joan of Arc and Oprah. So I had to take this legendary Bristol Myers test (or a crappy Internet facsimile) to see where I stand. Yep, I, too, am an EFNJ.

Do I have a little of Laurie in me? Would I go topless in front of a set of judges? Not so much, but I have no problem talking to my coworkers about the Intravenous Pyelogram I had when I was seven (there was a catheter and a numbing drug involved on my manparts).

Are there other topless EFNJers? The list of famous EFNJ folk is not just confined to Oprah, Joan of Arc, Laurie and me. There's Bill Clinton, who I am sure has been topless in front of some judge in his lifetime, not to mention the ubiquitously shirtless EFNJ Matthew McConaughey.

But being an EFNJ like Laurie is not just about bare chests. Also on the list is President Obama. Sure, he was photographed topless, but like his role model Abraham Lincoln, these are men of mission and conviction, like Laurie. She's a role model - in her own words - for women and teenagers to feel incredible about themselves at any age. As I type this sentence, Laurie doesn't sound so offbeat.

But then again, Randy Quaid's on the EFNJ list. Hmm, what to make of that? Well, like Laurie was booted from the show, Mr. Quaid was booted from Actors Equity. I was booted from the early acceptance list for Yale, so maybe all EFNJ people have crosses to bear.

You might not be an EFNJ, but you can be like Laurie, too - who wouldn't want to get some exercise? Who wouldn't want to shock the lesbian contestant? Who wouldn't want to be impishly adorable - because, as Laurie says, adorable means beloved, sexy is lust-driven?

Please send your comments here... as well as your donations to the Rachel Hunter therapy fund.

Thank You, Joan Rivers

Sammy_Buck — Mon, 11 May 2009 16:32:55 GMT

I had a sty last week. I get them when I don't sleep much. I looked at myself in the mirror one morning. With my puffy eyebrow obscuring my eye, the rest of my eyelid looked pulled back.

In short, I looked like Joan Rivers.

Now, much has been said of Miss Joan in these last few weeks because of the Celebrity Apprentice. Did anyone see the finale? Did anyone relish in the tacky opening - when Trump does his intro at the Natural History Museum? He sets the stage for the showdown between ruthless Annie and our Joan - and the camera shows us, respectively, a shark and a dinosaur.

OK, we get it: She's 75. You could do a drinking game based on this season of Celeb Apprentice - where ya take a drink every time someone refers to Joan's age. You'd get s**tfaced before the first commercial break.

I, for one, will not make fun of her for her age or her facelift, or liftts, or liftses, but I admit her features were put in perspective in the party scene when a female impersonator shows up as Joan Rivers. It reminded me what Melissa Rivers looked like before she became Odo on Star Trek Deep Space Nine.

Look -- I agree with The Donald when he praised her energy and strength, and agree that she is a tenacious survivor. But some days I wonder if there truth in what her competitor said: "She's an amazing lady, but not a nice lady"?

Like many, I have a very complicated relationship with Ms. Rivers. Not that I know her or anything, but I blame her for making me late for summer school in 1982, because I listened to her comedy album (on cassette) over and over one night.

I also blame her for one of my weirdest quirks. To make a short story long: My aunt is in the eyeglass business and is an artiste of "framestyling." I have a pair of glasses for every day of the week - designers like Calvin Klein, Oggi, Lanvin, etc. I always notice other people's glasses. And what do I say to a bespectacled person every time?

"WHO ARE YOU WEARING?"

Oh, Joan, you ruin me.

But without Joan Rivers and that album that made me late for summer school, I wouldn't know anything about gynecology. So maybe it's a wash.

One of the most indelible memories I have of the 1987 Emmy Awards (because everyone should have at least one good 1987 Emmy memory) is Joan Rivers in her first public appearance after her husband's death (she presented Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy). She was uncharacteristically subdued but strong. She mispronounced Woody Harrelson's name, but it didn't matter. She had been through hell and here she was, standing tall, in front of the public eye.

So if she can do that - and survive a season of the most cutthroat reality TV while gaining the respect of Dennis Rodman, then she's good people in my book.

I'm excited to see the brash Rivers use her tough-love skills on the rich when she launches into them on her new show for TV Land PRIME, How'd You Get So Rich? Even if "she's not a nice lady," Joanie Riverson knows how to ask the questions none of us dare to ask, to say the things we wish we could say, and to teach a 13-year-old boy... well, you know.

Photos credits (top to bottom): Thos Robinson/Stringer; Jim Spellman/Contributor; Michael Tighe/Contributor. All photo courtesy Getty Images.

10 Reasons Why I'm Terrified of the Star Trek Movie

Sammy_Buck — Tue, 05 May 2009 23:01:24 GMT

I'm not going to be at the movie theatre at 9:55PM Thursday to jockey for seats at a midnight Star Trek showing. I could use the excuse that I have rehearsal for my show and wouldn't be able to get there in time, but the truth is:

I'm scared to see the new Trek.

Though never donning Spock ears myself, I have been known to attend part of a convention or two, pre-TNG days. My relationship with the original series is two-fold. First, I spent the better part of my life with Nimoy's haircut. Second, the episode that gave me nightmares as a child was written by the guy who would go on to become the college professor who was my living nightmare.

Also, I'm just a sucker for a good "Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a blogger" type of line.

But I digress. I'm kinda afraid of the "reboot" and kinda hopeful about a few things. So, Captain, here is my very logical list of 10 Reasons Why I'm Terrified of the Star Trek Movie:

1. FEAR: Spock slices his crewmates' skulls, Sulu goes to White Castle with Kumar and Scotty fights zombies. OK, I know that Zachary Quinto, John Cho and Simon Pegg are versatile actors, but I wish the cast was COMPLETELY unknown. And maybe I'm a word geek, but Kirk's mother is named Winona, but Winona Ryder is playing Spock's mother, Amanda. I'm already confused.

2. FEAR: Bruce Greenwood, as Captain Pike, ends up disfigured and in that fekokta beeping wheelchair. Unlike Revenge of the Sith, which tried to make every single connection to the classic Star Wars movies, I hope we don't get too many of those "prescient moments" in the new Trek movie.

3. HOPE: Please, I hope that as James T. Kirk, Chris. Pine. Speaks. Like. William. Shatner.

4. HOPE: I am stoked to see Eric Bana as a Khan-like villain deadset on destroying Kirk (Oooooh, will there be time-travel-Malcolm-McDowell-in-Generations action, too?). Plus, I am soooo hoping Eric Bana's character will quote Melville.

5. HOPE: Cheesy backdrops and crappy monster suits. In this day and age of CGI, will there be room for crappy special effects? The original series, where they would go to Planet Backlot, has a certain comfort in its 1960s view of space. Heck, the original Trek movies had some cheesy stuff even by their time periods' standards. Alas, I predict this film will have some only Bruckheimer-worthy SFX, and I will cry.

6. HOPE: Jerry Goldsmith's and/or James Horner's music is incorporated somehow into Michael Giacchino's score. If Bear McCreary could make musical nods to the original Battlestar Galactica theme, Mr. Giacchino can do the same. I am sure the Alexander Courage theme will make it in, but I loves me a little Goldsmith and Horner (though I hope there's no music from Star Trek IV).

7. FEAR: Too much CW-inspired skin. Yes, I know Shatner showed his above-the-waist flesh while he bagged half the galaxy, but I just don't want to see too many steamy scenes. Unless they inexplicably involve Bruce Greenwood's Pike and Winona Ryder's Amanda.

8. HOPE (well, and FEAR, too): J.J. Abrams, who brought us such memorable onscreen moments as Harrison Ford's turning into a drool cup in Regarding Henry, will do the same in Star Trek. I should clarify: What Abrams does so well is to meld (yes, I used the word meld) honest character moments into his far-fetched plots. Kinda like Gene Roddenberry himself. So I hope it's THIS Abrams doing the movie and not the Abrams who did Gone Fishin'.

9. CAN'T WAIT: Majel Barrett posthumously reprises her role as the voice of the Enterprise computer.

10. CAN'T WAIT: We'll get to see how Kirk aces - by cheating on - his Kobayashi Maru test. (so I guess I should strike #2 from this list. Darn you, Khaaaaaannnnnn!)

Hmmm, I have a feeling I'm skipping rehearsal on Thursday.

An Open Letter to America’s Hottest 40-Year Old (from America’s Second Hottest 39.75 year old)

Sammy_Buck — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 16:08:45 GMT

First off, I must say congratulations on maintaining your poise and honesty on national television while looking for your soul mate. Myself, I was a blubbering idiot whenever I went to any kind of speed dating, so you have my utmost respect.

I must admit that when I heard about this reality show, I guffawed and had the worst first impression in my mind of what type of woman would agree to be the show's lead. Then you appeared: successful, gorgeous, with four kids and previous marriages. In short, you had the combination of looks, brains and experience. I could not have written a better fictional character short of Courteney Cox in her upcoming show.

OK, so the reason I am writing is twofold: First, I want to give you some advice as the show moves forward (yes I know the show is shot and in the can - and I have no idea how it all ends up - but heck, I can go to that place in my imagination where The Cougar is live, Soap is still on the air and Bob Dole won in 1996. Second, as a fellow quatrogenarian (though I still have three more months to say I'm Gary in Thirtysomething), I wanted to offer my perspective on the guys and the generation gap.

My advice: Airborne. Seriously, my lady, with all that kissing (and heaven knows guys in their 20s lack hygiene skills), you must protect your immune system.

That's about it when it comes to advice. You seem to have everything in control otherwise. Well, except for some of your choices.

Sure, Travis is a doorbell and will one day be good husband material, but with his Jeff Spicoli hair, he was negative-5 years old when Fast Times at Ridgemont High came out. I have nothing personal against Colt, especially as a fellow songwriter. But something tells me he is a cougar player, since he admits to dating a 61 year-old. You may be about 21 years too young: When his ex was your age, Travis was born. Perspective much?

Which brings me to which men I think are the most worthy of you.

Jon.

And, um...

Jon.

Oh and did I mention Jon? When I was looking at all the guys' profiles, I saw Jon's and notated that he was the real thing. Look, he may have had a shockerama when you said you had kids and a couple of nuptials behind you, but he has the most stability of all of them. And sure, he might not have that TravisAdamJohnnyZacEfron youth fun you might be looking for, nor is he the most compelling Ryanish character on the TV, but I am pulling for him.

If not him, then David and Officer Nick would make a good Mr. Anderson.

But you know all of this - and I can see how you are keeping some of the guys around because, well, there has to be a whole season of this show and it is darn compelling to watch these young guys think your friends are old.

Oh, one more piece of advice: Sleep with Jimmy. He wants you, he has a ridiculous body and, well, he was born to be slept with. Then remember: never date an actor.

Unless he's Ashton Kutcher.

Sincerely,

Sammy Buck, fellow hot old person

Roaring about The Cougar

Sammy_Buck — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 10:18:17 GMT

I am currently processing the experience of watching the first episode of The Cougar. The first feeling is that I could have graduated with Stacey and she does not look old at all -- but then I look at how young those guys look and I realize I don’t have easy access to Botox and need to. Stat.

What amazes me about the guys on the show is how they fit into different categories – I'm no psychic, but I would think that Stacey’s decision would be based on which category of guy she would want to be “her next husband,” as she says in the show. Does she want a lamb like Bodie or Travis? A playa like Johnny? Or pure husband material like Jon? Or a d-bag like... well, you name him.

Actually, you have. Your comments on the website about some of these guys have been more insightful than I could ever craft.

Website user Di is my favorite. This user compares the inappropriately colorfully dressed Austin to Adam Corrolla, likens Jimmy to Scooby Doo’s Shaggy, swears babyfaced Travis is Clay Aiken and Heather Locklear’s lovechild, calls Colt a dork (is it the ascot, Di?), yet offers a dissenting opinion on über-nice guy David by claming he’s a playa. I'm not sure, Di – David came off that bus with a huge flower arrangement for Stacey. Strangely, Di has “nothing bad to say” about Johnny. This vexes me -- he took off his clothes and dove into the water screaming out his love for Stacey. Surely he's the life of the party, but is he someone with whom Stacey wants to spend her life? Di and I will have to watch to find out.

Some of the most awesome comments are from those who I'm assuming are total shills – users saying “I had an affair with him” or “this dude is my bro and he rocks” or “watch out for him, he likes it rough.” Even better are the comments by both men and women about their own personal fantasies about the guys, especially when the guys make some lascivious comment, followed by the inevitable “… and I’m not even gay.” Andrew G. says of recently cut Grant: “Do me or do me” while user Texas John cryptically asks “How long can you hold your breath?”

I scanned your comments before I watched the show, but I didn't let your words prejudice me against any of the guys. To those of you who thought police officer Nick was “Paul Reubens,” “Jimmy Neutron” and said “Gol-ly Sgt. Carter! I’m gonna get me a Cougar!”I say no, he looks like the real thing, a nice guy. OK, sure, I admit his opening line of “You’re arrested, you’ve stolen my heart... You have the right to remain delicious” is pretty cheesy – ridonculously cheesy, even – but there is something endearing about him.

Before I finish, we must discuss the Omarosa of the bunch. Ryan is good television: He flubs his opening line to Stacey, he completely steamrolls the guys and puts his foot in his mouth. So what do y'all think? User Allison says he’s “Corky from Life Goes On.”All I can say is we will all surely have LOTS to say about this former Marine and current owner of a red, white and blue banana hammock.

I now leave you with my personal favorite lines from the episode: “I’ve never dated a girl who could legally drink before,” “It is my privilege to share one of my first legal drinks with you tonight” and my new sampler on a pillow, “How would you like an Australian kiss? Kinda like a French kiss but down under.”

Can’t wait for next week – and I bet you can’t either – I look forward to reading your comments.

Message Edited by Sammy_Buck on 04-22-2009 06:19 AM

In Praise of Older Women

Sammy_Buck — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 20:51:50 GMT

When I was seven, I came home from elementary school and told my mother, 30 years my senior, that she was “the oldest mother alive.” What a tactful child I was. But in college, when a buddy of mine met my mother, he said one word: “Niiice.” To him, Mrs. Buck was a MILF. I said to him, “Yeah, now you know why I have Oedipal issues.” My mother was a shrink, so of course I would use the term “Oedipal issues.” But when my family started carpooling with a new family who moved to town, that mother was only 18 years older than I, and all I could say was “Niiice.”

I basically ditched my prom date to hang with my Trig teacher (and yes, the teacher did kinda look like my mother). It was, however, innocent -- like Barry Williams and Florence Henderson’s non-date during the Brady Bunch years.

I confess I’ve always had a fascination with older actresses. And as a child TV-holic, there were many from whom to choose. Though Erin Moran was literally an older woman, it was a guest star on Happy Days who really kicked my cub-ness into gear: Diana Hyland played Arthur Fonzarelli’s older dish in the episode “Fonzie’s Old Lady.” I got such a kick out of the scene at Al’s when she rocks out to “Splish Splash.” At the time, I didn’t notice the irony of the episode: Diana Hyland was, in reality, young John Travolta’s older paramour in the 1970s. And here’s another cougar-trivia link: After Hyland’s untimely death, her mother role on Eight is Enough was replaced by Betty Buckley, who later played über-cougar Norma Desmond in the musical Sunset Blvd.

My cougar-phile days continued into my teens, but the older women were a bit younger – kinda like they were seniors when I was in seventh grade: Demi Moore (and look how cougarific she turned out) and Courteney Cox in her Family Ties days (how appropriate she’s starring in the upcoming Cougar sitcom) were the mold. You might say I was like a cougar psychic.

Though I’m pushing 40 and becoming quite a male cougar dating a 28-year-old, I have turned my older-actress-fascination to GILFs, so to speak. Me lovey Helen Mirren – I was obsessed with her rack in National Treasure 2 (which was a welcome change from seeing her Queen-Elizabethized image every day when I worked on her Oscar campaign). Candy Bergman (as one of my professors mispronounced Candice Bergen’s name) is also on my list. And I must admit a certain Alaskan governor, while only a few years older than I am, is technically a GILF.

As I look at the younger generation, I wonder who will be the next line of cougars. Of course, shoot me when they do because that will mean I will be older than Moses’ sandals. But think about it: Blake Lively? Hayden Panettiere? Heck, Dakota Fanning in about 22.5 years? To these women I now say: you hold the innocent love of some 7-year-old out there who will follow your careers, appreciate your talents (and your, ahem, talents), your strong character, intelligence, sex appeal and most of all, the Oedipal issues you stir in him. And when he is pushing 40, he will fondly look back at his lifelong appreciation of you and thank you.

Who’s your favorite cougar?

Photos courtesy Getty Images.

Message Edited by TVLTheLink on 04-14-2009 12:08 PM

Indiana Jones and The Temple of Reunions

Sammy_Buck — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 13:44:01 GMT

Darn you, High School Reunion, for fueling my reunion obsession.

In this, the final installment in my reunion trilogy (though I reserve the right to have a Kingdom of the Crystal Skull in the future, only with a less complicated MacGuffin), I am all about television show reunions.

There are two kinds: the fictional ones, like where the gang gets together to write Alan Brady his eulogy, and the non-fictional ones where the cast gets together on a fake living room set and talks to the audience while showing clips and desperately not trying to mention that Tori and Shannen hate each other.

On the fictional side: It’s fun to watch an actor re-assay a role, especially a child star, who starred in a recurring childhood dream in which you beat him up, who gets older and marries a former MTV Veejay trying to act. I speak of course of Mike Lookinland as disabled racecar driver Bob Brady, whose wife Tracy was played by Martha Quinn. I know, there’s something wrong with me, because I didn’t have to look on the imdb for Mrs. Bobby Brady’s first name.

Sometimes, the fictional reunions are cringe-worthy. I died inside when I had to turn off The Dick Van Dyke Show Revisited, and was sad that Mary and Rhoda was more syrupy than a table at IHOP. Maybe the problem with those reunions was not the shows themselves but the age at which I watched them. I may have been too cynical and lacking in wonder in my 30s.

At 11, however, I was still obsessed with Mrs. Wally Logan and Mrs. Philip Covington III in The Brady Girls Get Married. I remember that Friday night in my neighbors’ house on Birdwood Street watching everyone Brady reassemble. Sherwood Schwartz got it right then, unlike the later reunion movies (see above Looklinland paragraph) and the melodramatic Bradysomething.

Sherwood Schwartz also personally provided young Sammy Buck with not one but THREE Gilligan’s Island reunions, though sans Tina Louise. Judith Baldwin and Constance Forslund were less optimal Gingers in those movies (once again, I am kinda embarrassed to say I didn’t have to look those names up on the imbd), and Bob Denver looked frighteningly old and most likely on the ganja as Gilligan, but I loved the Love Boat-ization of the Island with The Castaways on Gilligan’s Island.

Long before the days of DVR, I had to wait to see the second airing of Rescue from Gilligan’s Island because it was on at the same time that my family was leaving our Lake Conroe vacation house to head back to Houston. They wrenched me away from the TV set at the time share, and I PITCHED A FIT. Seriously, never cried harder at the injustice a 9-year-old could feel. When I finally did get to see the science-defying flying superhut that led the seven stranded castaways to safety, I fell in love with the concept of reunions.

I think alot about which fictional characters I would like to see reunited. I have often mentioned my obsession with Soap. Though with Cathryn Damon and Richard Mulligan dead, how would the Campbells fare? Maybe Betty Buckley and Dick Van Patten could play the roles and we could get in an Eight is Enough reunion as well.

So, onto the non-fictional reunions.

Message Edited by TVLTheLink on 04-14-2009 12:09 PM

High School Reunion: Celebrity Edition

Sammy_Buck — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 11:43:45 GMT

Watching High School Reunion is a master class in sociology. So many people live up to their high school stereotypes. I mean, Dennis is still the d-bag I assume he was in high school. And then there are those who embody the transformation out of their stereotypical mold: “Ugly Duckling” Jessica has transformed into a preternaturally sculpted swan.

How would the stereotype stick with them throughout the years – would they change? What special secret would they reveal on a reality show?

So in the spirit of HSR, I want to present to you TV Land’s Celebrity High School Reunion:

Who: The Cheerleader

Played by: Angelina Jolie

Most likely to: Laugh uncomfortably on camera while Jen Aniston is presenting an Oscar.

Watch the episode when: She and Jen get stuck in detention together.

Who: The Jock

Played by: Duh.

Most likely to: Age in reverse on screen, seduce Geena Davis, play Achilles.

Secret to tell: There’s nothing. Seriously, this dude IS the high school quarterback of life golden boy. He’s friggin’ perfect. Though I would pay money to see him and Angie watch a presidential debate together. Brangelina is like a prettier Marville (Mary Matalin and James Carville).

Who: Class Clown

Played by: Bruce Willis

Surprising transformation: From Moonlighting wise-cracker to action hero.

Even more surprising transformation: Surviving Hudson Hawk

Watch the episode when: He gets entangled in another lawsuit.

Who: The Ugly Duckling

Played by: Sarah Jessica Parker

Surprising transformation: From Square Pegs to washboard abs.

Most likely to: Look hot in a Garnier ad.

Who: The Loner

Played by: Joaquin Phoenix

Surprising transformation: Facial hair

Watch the episode when: Everyone forces him into an intervention

Most likely to: Well, he was originally voted most likely to play sensitive characters on screen, now he’s most likely to end up sprawled on the side of the road mistaken for a Hasidic junkie (thank you, Natalie Portman, for supplying that joke).

Who: The Brain

Played by: Bill Gates

Watch the episode when: He buys the island.

Hook-up on the show: Sorry, Melinda, I would pay money to watch your husband deal with the vulturous onslaught of gold-digging Bachelorettes commonly found on reality shows. Seriously, any of these HSR ladies would do the trick.

Who: The Pregnant Girl

Played by: Come on, this is too easy. Rhymes with Twitney Smears.

Where she’ll be in 20 years: A grandmother

Who: The Troublemaker

Played by: Eve Plumb

Most likely to: Not show up for the reunion

Watch the episode when: She is forced to do all the musical numbers she missed when she dropped out of The Brady Bunch Hour.

Who: The Outcast

Played by: Mickey Rourke

Most likely to: Stay on course with this comeback and make positive, healthy choices in his life. Wow, I didn’t even laugh as I typed that.

Watch the episode when: He whips Joaquin Phoenix back into shape. That’s right, TAFKA-Leaf Phoenix: You know you’re in trouble when Mickey Rourke is saner than you.

Who: The All Star

Played by: Christian Bale

Surprising transformation: What don’t you effing understand? He turned from golden boy to expletive-hurling Amerian psycho.

Watch the episode when: He attends anger management classes with Chris Brown.

Which celebs do you think would fit the bill for the high-school stereotypes?

Photos: Steve Granitz - Contributor, Mark Von Holden - Contributer, Jamie McCarthy - Staff, Sean Gallup - Staff (all courtesy Getty Images)

Message Edited by TVLTheLink on 04-14-2009 12:12 PM

High School Reunion Do's and Don'ts

Sammy_Buck — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 17:16:23 GMT

My first significant experience with a reunion was the The Brady Girls Get Married. I remember a scene in which Mike looks at his three grown daughters sitting together and it dissolves to what they looked like circa “Oh my nose.” SO poignant. Images of the cast emblazoned in my rerun-addicted mind, to see them looking “all grown up” and Robert Reed looking, well, gayer, was what I thought a reunion should be.

As TV Land PRIME’s High School Reunion enters its juicy second season (this time it’s the Class of 1988 from Chandler, Ariz. headed to Hawaii), it’s high time to talk about the transformation, expectations and surprises that await one’s attendance at his or her reunion.

Reunions offer such a great opportunity to catch up with how people look 10, 20 years later and to see their personal transformations as well (i.e., Jan becomes an über-yuppie, Marcia an alcoholic – oh wait, that 1990’s Bradysomething).

As a member of the Bellaire High School Class of 1987 from Bellaire, Tex. (Cardinals fight! Beat Westbury!), I have been to both my 10- and 20-year shindigs. I missed the five-year, but let’s face it, what do you say at a five-year? “Hey, I’m 23.” Still, I have many bits of advice to the Chandler alum who will engage on a two-week stay on Gilligan’s Reunion Island.

First things first, the best piece of advice I give anyone going to a high school reunion: be pudgy in high school, lose weight and appear at your reunion lean and fit. I was a chubster as a kid and lost the weight in my 20s. At my 10-year, I was talking with someone who had no idea who I was, until she looked at my nametag and gasped, “Omigod! You lost like a thousand pounds!” No, babe, it was only 58, but who’s counting. Oh, and you ain’t hittin’ any of this.

Seriously, though. Everyone loves a good ugly-duckling-to-swan story. The Chandler alum who clearly embodies this dictum is Jessica, the ugly duckling-turned-PLAYBOY-TV personality. That totes trumps my goal at my 20th, which was to be the second-hottest guy in the room. My all accounts, I was #3. (Darn you, quarterback for still looking good and darn you, other childhood friend, for bringing the new Belgian boyfriend). It was not that hard to shine in the room, though: The first thing a classmate of mine asked me at the reunion was “Who are all these, old, fat, bald guys?”

Women on the whole have it better at these reunions, because no matter how they looked in high school, they all become MILFs. Take a look at the Chandler crew. In addition to Jessica, “Octavia The Flirt” and “Jenny The cheerleader” have aged like Demi Moore. The guys, well, not so much, though the ones-turned-ladies’-men (check out the profiles) have done all right and may actually bag one of their classmates (or two).

Which brings me to another survival tip. Do NOT hook up at your reunion, lest ye ruin marriages.

At my 20-year I witnessed a guy DROOLING over his high school girlfriend while his wife was holding his hand. Now, on High School Reunion, many of the Chandlerites are looking to hook up – good luck, folks. This is reality TV, so I am sure the drama will be unmissable. But for those of us in real life, it’s near impossible to hook up with anyone from your reunion. Trust me. I tried. I will say, though, that my best friend’s mother met her husband at their reunion, so it is not impossible. Maybe just impossible for a cold-hearted narcissist like me.

Finally, reunions in real life are also like reality TV: What salacious secrets will be revealed? At my 10-year, the secret was that Angelique used to be Robert from homeroom. At my 20-year, a classmate long-thought dead was quite alive.

So whether you’re tuning in to see the drama on High School Reunion or going on Body For Life to prepare for your own, use your reunion as a time to shine. And flirt. And spend most of the time at the chocolate fountain judging others.

Message Edited by TVLTheLink on 04-14-2009 12:14 PM

My Cruddy Valentine

Sammy_Buck — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:54:30 GMT

In 1996, when I first moved to New York, I joined an improv comedy troupe. After a rehearsal on Feb. 14, we took a jaunt to the Empire State Building, went to the observation deck, and proceeded to act as if we were couples breaking up.

I know, not very nice. Especially in the face of a lovely young man proposing to his lovely young girlfriend. Ah, love.

The next year, a friend of mine had an anti-Valentine’s Day party for the single folk he knew (including me, natch), serving decidedly unromantic food like anything with garlic, and providing entertaining films to watch such as Debbie Does Dallas.

So as V.D. arrives this year, the sick, garlic-breathed cynic in me has some media-related suggestions for what to do on a Valentinified Saturday night if you are feeling single and lonely and bitter and, well, like me.

1. Revolutionary Road – I am sooooo seeing this movie Saturday night to remind me that marriage might be something I actually may not need in my life.

2. The Office – I highly recommend watching the über-uncomfortable episode in which Jan and Michael have a dinner party. My favorite moment is watching Jim scrambling for an excuse to leave. Also, if you caught the recent episode in which newly single Andy tries to pick up a client, it is deliciously cringe-worthy because in many ways, we’ve all been there – just not as brilliantly floundering as Ed Helms portrays.

3. Cheers – speaking of dinner parties, did you catch the episode when the Sternin-Cranes have Sam & Diane over? I particularly love Bebe Neuwirth’s manic rendition of “Our House” at the piano.

4. Titanic – Yeah, yeah, I know it’s the most romantic movie ever and blah blah blah, but I would rent it just to watch him drown and rewind the moment over and over and over again. It may be time for me to go back to therapy — if for nothing else, to examine this whole Leo-Kate obsession.

5. Rock of Love Bus – or any dating reality show. Watching that desperate stripper chick makes me feel like there is at least one person out there more needy than I.

6. Celeb Gossip – You can surf the web, but not for what you think I would recommend. Instead of the p-word, check out TMZ or Perez Hilton – getting any dirt on celebrity couples makes our day-to-day struggles, like boring dates with actuaries, look like small potatoes.

7. Two and a Half Men – Charlie Harper is simultaneously a hero of defiant singlehood and a cautionary tale. Plus, any show with Conchata Ferrell AND Holland Taylor brings back memories of the ‘80s, when I was an innocent kid watching Bosom Buddies and E/R (the sitcom), not even thinking about dating when it was OK to sit on the couch every night and watch TV and eat from the frosting can.

8. What’s Love Got To Do With It? – the title alone says it all. Plus, any Wesley Snipes–Laurence Fishburne love story is worth watching. Oh, come on: If Angela Bassett is that ripped, why can’t she just beat the living you-know-what out of the abusive dude? For my final two recommendations, I will tell you what NOT to do on Valentine’s Day if you are single:

9. Stay away from anything Katherine Heigl appears in. She always plays a hot mess who ends up falling in love. It’s just not fair. And what’s with being in three different things where her character’s named Isabel or Isobel? Sometimes on V.D. I like watching horror movies, but not the one La Heigl is in – because it’s BRIDE of Chucky.

10. Do not attempt to get in touch with an ex. Do not attempt to cyberstalk the one that got away. Do not go to match.com to find someone for the evening. Do not. Do not. Do not. You are better off staying at home with the frosting can watching Debbie trying to land Bret Mycles.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Message Edited by TVLTheLink on 04-14-2009 12:15 PM

Brave New World: Obama Memorabilia

Virginia_Chu — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 13:33:01 GMT

President Barack Obama is a rock star. In the world of kitschy buttons and logo-stamped mugs, this sentiment rings distinctly true. It was freezing in Washington, D.C., but that didn’t discourage the millions who descended upon the National Mall to witness the historic inauguration yesterday.

It also didn’t discourage the hordes of souvenir vendors who lined the pedestrian paths hawking everything Obama. I’m not an expert in mementos, but Obama Mania certainly makes this crop of souvenirs a step above the rest.

You couldn’t miss them. Buttons. Everywhere. Their sellers were mobile. They came to you during the most inopportune times, lugging their stash in duffle bags and suitcases as you were in line -- which was 99.9 percent of the time. You couldn’t help but take a peek. There was something endearing about our 44th president’s photo and an inscription beneath it earnestly touting “He Is the Hottest.”

And he may even be “The Coolest.” You too can worship President Obama in the comfort of your own home -- by hanging a poster-sized special edition Ebony cover pegging Obama as one of “The 25 Coolest Brothers of All Time.”

The spirit of the next generation was also well-represented at the inauguration in the form of button-pushers, T-shirt vendors, poster rollers and… 15-year-old Obama earring artists. For just $10, you could grace your lobes with our president’s image as well as bragging rights that these are indeed “one of a kind.”

At the end of it all, I’m not really sure how 10 baseball caps, several pins and a couple of posters ended up in my over-stuffed suitcase on the way out of our nation’s capital. I only know this: Change is definitely in the air, and it’s oozing out of my pocketbook on this cold January day.

Did you buy any Obama memorabilia? Here’s a Colbert Report clip summing up some of the highlights of the Obama offerings, pre-inauguration.

Message Edited by TVLTheLink on 04-14-2009 12:16 PM

Turning 40, or Martha Raye’s Got Nothing on Me

Sammy_Buck — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 14:22:52 GMT

It’s 2009, which means one thing to me: I’m %^*^&ing turning 40 in July.

I know: It’s not that old and it’s not like it’s happening right now, but it IS six shopping months away (I could use some new bedding). Plus, right now is New Year’s time, so it’s time to take stock.

Yes, folks. This post is about resolutions. And I’m doing it PRIME-style.

Resolution #1: Figure out the difference between Leighton Meester and Blake Lively, Penn Badgley and that other dude
Or, simply put, keep up with these kids today. My 12-year old cousin from Pennsylvania knows more about shopping in New York than I do because she watches Gossip Girl. I am finding myself, in my post-step-haircut/pre-Polident middle age, not knowing all these cool references my 20something coworkers make – like Rihanna and that other chick. I pride myself on keeping up on the latest 411 (do people still use that word?). So what’s the haps? Can you tell me which pieces of literature I should read to keep up (InStyle or Tiger Beat much?)

I do, however, give myself props for knowing the difference between Chace Crawford and Zac Efron.

Resolution #2: Turn 40 gracefully (Because 40 is the new 20, right???)
Granted, I still look like I could be in grad school (or at least a young, hot professor type), but if I look as good at 40 as Brad Pitt, Rob Lowe, Tom Cruise, or, heck, Harrison Ford, do at post-40, I would consider myself very lucky. So, friends, buy me a trainer. (Speaking of which, my former trainer Linda LaRue is all over the TV now with her Crunchless-Abs product. She’s the first person to introduce me to Kabocha Squash, so she has a special place in my heart.

Resolution #3: Watch TV
In other words, when I am on the couch, actually WATCH. None of this “playing-five-different-kinds-of-solitaire-on-my-new-iPod” while Matthew Gray Gubler spouts his brainiac dialogue on Criminal Minds. I vow to pay attention and stop multi-tasking. Even though I can rewind, I can’t rewind when I’m at a play, a movie theater, or a meeting at the office, so real-live attention-paying can come in handy. And it starts with television. Or maybe I should read a book. Any suggestions?

Resolution #4: Read more
You know, like Tiger Beat and In Touch. Seriously, I had NO idea Bruce Jenner has a son.

Resolution #5: Be more famous
As of now, my epitaph is gonna read, “Hey you know that guy in that show – yeah, I went to school with him.” Let’s face it, we all want our 15 minutes, and I am determined that mine will not just be that Kathy Griffin and Lisa Kudrow were once my improv teachers. For once, I would like to be the one in my metaphorical class who ascends to at least the semi-quasi-famous. Though truth be told, I am having a lot of fun being semi-quasi-nano-famous, too. I’m big in Cardiff, Wales. And I AM nearing 1000 facebook friends.

Resolution #6: Accept my age
I know. I’m obsessing. But this resolution is more about accepting my place in the era in which I was born, grew up and live in. In short, I totes accept that I am of the PRIME generation (and can pull off using “totes”, right?). I will forever be making references to Soap and Stephen King’s Carrie for as long as I live, because wow, the 1970s=childhood. I will never wear parachute pants on purpose, because, um, I had to in the 1980s as a teen. And I accept that Friends is my show and How I Met Your Mother is for my 20something peeps. Finally, I accept that my knees talk to me whenever I bend them.

Resolution #9: Don’t skip #7 and #8 just to make a pun off the Beatles Revolution #9.
Nuff said. BTW, kids: The Beatles were those guys who wrote that song on the Target commercial.

So what are your resolutions this year? How do you feel about getting older and the gap (or lack thereof) between the PRIME Generation and “these kids today”?

Message Edited by TVLTheLink on 04-14-2009 12:18 PM

Santa TV

Sammy_Buck — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 21:49:15 GMT

I was never comfortable as a kid writing a Dear Santa letter, I guess because I'm Jewish. Then again, the consolation for the Jewish kids is to have eight nights of Chanukah. But Hannukah to me is like Phoebe Cates on Christmas, maybe because my grandfather actually DID die on Hanukka (see my Thanksgiving blog for a fun story).

I'm not a good asker when it comes to gifts. People ask me what I want, I say "A $10 million capitalization for my show on Broadway." Or a Tin Man colllector's item (I collect Tin Man stuff... because I have no heart).

Still, in the tradition of "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth," I do have eight TV-related wishes for Chanukka Harry to put under by Hanuccah Bush.

1. I want to see a Soap reunion. Sure, Billy Crystal is a superstar who may not deign to go back to his humble beginnings as Jodie, one of the first gay lead characters on TV, and Catherine Damon is immortally unavailable, but I would love to see Katharine Helmond's Jessica Tate come back from the dead (did she really get shot by the firing squad?) and see what the Tates and Campbells are up to. I am also DYING to know how well Diana Canova aged.

Or, at the least, I would like a time machine so I could go back to 1980 and jockey for a staff writer job on the final season of Soap (I was only 11 at the time) and make sure they don't do shark-jumping things like turning Mary and Jessica against each other and turning Jodie into a straight and septuagenarian Jewish man.

2. I want more half-hour comedies on the schedule. Remember when there were like 50 sitcoms on Tuesday and Wednesday nights? I would even settle for shows like Carter Country and Union Square if it meant that TV had more comedy blocks.

3. I want to be a Rankin & Bass character. I just saw the new Apple commercial where the “PC” and “Mac” guys were rendered in claymation. Hmmm, the Justin Long character did look a lot like me, so maybe I did get my Festivus wish.

4. I want George Lucas to allow the Star Wars Holiday Special to be seen again (I know I was not hallucinating when I was eight and saw Bea Arthur and Chewbacca on the same hour of television).

5. I want an all-30 Rock and all-The Office network.

6. I want The Comeback to have one. Lisa Kudrow's post-Friends HBO show was so friggin' good. I DO need to see that! Speaking of comebacks, isn't it time for C. Thomas Howell to appear on a show like Dexter or American Chopper? (Ed. Note: Hells yea!)

7. I want someone other than me to remember the gender-reversed remake of It's a Wonderful Life with Marlo Thomas in the Jimmy Stewart role and Cloris Leachman as Clara. Anyone? Anyone? Called It Happened One Christmas? I watched it the night after our house was burgled (yet another happy holiday memory).

8. Yeah, um, I DO want that $10 million capitalization.

What are your non-denominational holiday TV Land wishes?

Peace and prosperity to you in 2009!

Message Edited by TVLTheLink on 04-14-2009 12:20 PM

Top 5 Thanksgiving Episodes

Sammy_Buck — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 04:11:19 GMT

I phoebecates Thanksgiving. Yes, I just created a verb. When you phoebecates a holiday, you associate it with a negative experience. You know, like Phoebe Cates in Gremlins with that whole diatribe about her Dad dressing up in a Santa suit, and getting stuck and DYING in a chimney.

So I totes phoebecates Turkey Day because in 1980, I woke up to a dead guinea pig. Miss Piggy, as I affectionately named my pet, decided to stop living. I swear I was a semi-responsible pet-owner at 11, but I did start feeding her rabbit food, and since rabbits apparently produce enough vitamin C to sustain themselves and guinea pigs don't (and hence need GUINEA PIG food), I may have given Miss Piggy terminal scurvy.

My dad and I laid her to rest in a Thom McAn shoe box and buried her in the bushes in the front yard. Then a week later, my grandfather died. I went up to my grandmother after the funeral and told her we both experienced a great loss this week. She thought I meant my grandfather -- to her dying day. And I am sure deep down I did, but in the moment, it was all about the dead rodent in the shrubbery.

My aunt, having lost her father the week after Thanksgiving, then became the anti-phoebecateser (a new noun). For years she has seen Thanksgiving as a time for family to be together, and as far as we are all concerned, she owns the holiday. Like I own Boxing Day, but that's a different story.

So what does this therapy session have to do with TV? Well, as I wrote in my first blog post, it was at my aunt's on Thanksgiving when I tuned into Soap. And when I really think about it, Thanksgiving does offer that "Thanksgiving episode" on TV shows. So here is a list of my 5 Favorite TV Turkey Moments:

Rachel's beef-infused trifle on Friends. "Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, good!" Best. Thanksgiving. Episode. Ever.
The surreal pairing of Valerie Harper and Joanna Kerns as Andy Dick's lesbian moms on Less Than Perfect (did anyone else watch this show? Pre-Chuck Zachary Levi, anyone?)
"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly." Thank you, WKRP's Arthur Carlson for your fowl publicity stunt.
Will & Grace. It's a tie between the flashback-to-the-'80s episode when Will and Grace were dating and the clever episode when the four give themselves time limits to visit multiple Thanksgiving dinners -- a memorable one showcasing Debbie Reynolds' "I told you so" dance.
When sweet Georgia Engel describes snapping the a bird's neck on Everybody Loves Raymond, I nearly wet myself. Kudos to Debra Barone's peace-making Thanksgiving pageant.

Honorable mention must go out to Roseanne because, while the Conner family matriarch owned Halloween like my aunt owns T'giv, it was always a joy to see Shelley Winters as Roseanne's grandmother. Almost as much as a joy as seeing my own.

Photo credits: Arnaldo Magnami/Getty Images; stock photo; Warner Brothers Television, Getty Images, George Rose

Message Edited by Sammy_Buck on 11-26-2008 11:15 PM

Message Edited by TVLTheLink on 11-26-2008 11:19 PM

Message Edited by TVLTheLink on 04-14-2009 12:21 PM