AN ODE TO STACEY

Our Cougar! My Love!

Stave One: The First Episode

‘Twas but eight weeks ago, or so I am told, that we first met our Cougar, our forty year-old,

At an opulent mansion in fair Malibu, she descended plush steps to afford us a view, 

Of such unalloyed pulchritude,

Modest and coy,

Not a woman, but animal,

Stalking a boy! 

Some twenty young Oedipus Rex came to call, on our Cougar that eve, at that Malibu hall,

One toasted, some flattered, read poems to her, all together betraying how puerile they were!

Colt strummed his guitar, Jimmy breathed in her ear, yet another spoke tripe she mistook for Shakespeare!

And our Cougar was properly flattered, you see (though she needed no boost to her broad self-esteem!) 

For the lads did agree: She’s “amazing” and “hot”, “absolutely”, “cool”, “definitely”, and what-not,

(“To be honest with you,” rang the constant refrain, of these forthright young courtiers in search of a mate,)

She went off with the boy newly turned drinking age, leaving all nineteen others to politely engage,

In a series of clashes- from their grunts and their clicks, we at once gleaned that some, at least, brought stones and sticks!

The guitarist and ex-Marine, clearly in heat, had viewers think "ascot" is spelled with two “t”s.

An itinerant southern boy told a crass joke, about how the Australians might lingually poke!

So our Cougar, demure and immune to disgrace, sent that cad and four other boys out of that place,

Thus ended the first of eight shows in succession- which partly explains why we have a recession. 

Oh! Such pulchritude,

Modest and coy,

Not a woman, but animal,

Stalking a boy! 

Stave Two: the Cubs Spar for Stacey’s Paw

(As this writer missed some of the chapters to follow, his forgetting those seen shows how hard they were swallowed!)

Let’s suffice it to say there were rituals and games, each in turn reinforcing impressions inane,

Of a “smart, classy lady” who “knows what she wants,” yet was willing to settle for one pre-picked dunce!

And of fifteen cubs pawing her, snarling her name, ‘til it came to the point three remained in the game . . . 

Oh! Such pulchritude,

Modest and coy,

Not a woman, but animal,

Stalking a boy! 

Stave Three: True Love!

Near the end, Stacey turned to the lad twenty-one, after show’ ring with green paint, deigned he was done,

So he left with the same foolish smile he wore, on that first night inside that grand Malibu hall,

Our dear Cougar, in tears, so sweet and sincere, now bemoaned that the end of her stardom drew near!

Leaving Jimmy and Colt the last suitors in this, each one knowing the other could win by a kiss! 

Colt had the artistry prized by this feline; Jimmy, the pectoral loins of a Titan,

Our Cougar, we know, was not easy to fool, but a quandary- her kids thought both cubs were so cool!

In the end tearful Colt she sent off in the van, while dear Jimmy she movingly took for her “man,”

Our new couple, they danced and they smooched (this is true), to a backing score heard throughout "movies blue!"  

Oh! Such pulchritude,

Modest and coy,

Not a woman, but animal,

Has caught its boy! 

Stave Four: Cigarette?

Stacey’s future so bright, as high-beams to a deer; be assured we’ll remember her, year after year!

But nay, I say; rather, I’m likely to watch, for that genuine Cougar- Vivica Fox!

Still, the day is yours, Stacey; a fool I would be, to critique such delightful “reality TV,”

How fitting, should Stacey resume brokerage; she’ll find many, no doubt, who would purchase a bridge!

 -Kristoffer