TV Land PRIME blog

My first significant experience with a reunion was the The Brady Girls Get Married. I remember a scene in which Mike looks at his three grown daughters sitting together and it dissolves to what they looked like circa “Oh my nose.” SO poignant. Images of the cast emblazoned in my rerun-addicted mind, to see them looking “all grown up” and Robert Reed looking, well, gayer, was what I thought a reunion should be.   

As TV Land PRIME’s High School Reunion enters its juicy second season (this time it’s the Class of 1988 from Chandler, Ariz. headed to Hawaii), it’s high time to talk about the transformation, expectations and surprises that await one’s attendance at his or her reunion. 

Reunions offer such a great opportunity to catch up with how people look 10, 20 years later and to see their personal transformations as well (i.e., Jan becomes an über-yuppie, Marcia an alcoholic – oh wait, that 1990’s Bradysomething). 

First things first, the best piece of advice I give anyone going to a high school reunion: be pudgy in high school, lose weight and appear at your reunion lean and fit. I was a chubster as a kid and lost the weight in my 20s. At my 10-year, I was talking with someone who had no idea who I was, until she looked at my nametag and gasped, “Omigod! You lost like a thousand pounds!” No, babe, it was only 58, but who’s counting. Oh, and you ain’t hittin’ any of this.

Seriously, though. Everyone loves a good ugly-duckling-to-swan story. The Chandler alum who clearly embodies this dictum is Jessica, the ugly duckling-turned-PLAYBOY-TV personality. That totes trumps my goal at my 20th, which was to be the second-hottest guy in the room. My all accounts, I was #3. (Darn you, quarterback for still looking good and darn you, other childhood friend, for bringing the new Belgian boyfriend). It was not that hard to shine in the room, though: The first thing a classmate of mine asked me at the reunion was “Who are all these, old, fat, bald guys?”

 

Women on the whole have it better at these reunions, because no matter how they looked in high school, they all become MILFs. Take a look at the Chandler crew. In addition to Jessica, “Octavia The Flirt” and “Jenny The cheerleader” have aged like Demi Moore. The guys, well, not so much, though the ones-turned-ladies’-men (check out the profiles) have done all right and may actually bag one of their classmates (or two). 

Which brings me to another survival tip. Do NOT hook up at your reunion, lest ye ruin marriages.  

At my 20-year I witnessed a guy DROOLING over his high school girlfriend while his wife was holding his hand. Now, on High School Reunion, many of the Chandlerites are looking to hook up – good luck, folks. This is reality TV, so I am sure the drama will be unmissable. But for those of us in real life, it’s near impossible to hook up with anyone from your reunion. Trust me. I tried. I will say, though, that my best friend’s mother met her husband at their reunion, so it is not impossible. Maybe just impossible for a cold-hearted narcissist like me. 

Finally, reunions in real life are also like reality TV: What salacious secrets will be revealed?  At my 10-year, the secret was that Angelique used to be Robert from homeroom. At my 20-year, a classmate long-thought dead was quite alive. 

So whether you’re tuning in to see the drama on High School Reunion or going on Body For Life to prepare for your own, use your reunion as a time to shine. And flirt. And spend most of the time at the chocolate fountain judging others.