Stacey The Cougar Gets Personal

Today's going to be one of the biggest days of my life. It's also going to be incredibly bittersweet. My kids are coming to the house and I can't wait to see them! But tonight I have to face Colt and Jimmy, both of whom I care about deeply. I'm painfully aware that tonight, one of these guys will have his heart broken. My own heart is already aching just thinking about saying goodbye. On the other hand, I'm excited about starting a life with the man I love. My mind is flooded with emotions!

My kids are here. I wrapped my arms around them and got to spend some one-on-one family time together. It felt great to have them with me again. They first met Colt, who was incredibly calm and relaxed with my kids. He got right to their level and answered all their questions in a straightforward way. Kids can pick up on someone "trying too hard" to earn their trust, and he definitely never once put on a false front. Graham even said to Colt that "he is who he is." My children are seeing the same things that I do in Colt, and that's so reassuring. Colt knows my kids are musically inclined, so I loved that he played the guitar for Graham, Delaney and Tatym. I was amazed at how well he interacted with each of my children. Seeing this, I knew I made the right decision to have Colt as one of the final two.

Jimmy arrived with flowers in hand and groceries to make dinner with my kids. What a perfect way to break the ice, because my kids love to cook with me at home. My kids were constantly smiling around Jimmy. Jimmy has this persona that instantly puts someone at ease. I could tell my kids sensed this as well. At dinner, we were all comfortable, laughing, and the conversation was flowing. Nothing seemed contrived or unnatural. Introducing my children to someone I date is a rarity and I am cautious. But Jimmy put me at total peace once I saw how he connected so easily with my kids. It was so cute to hear Tatym ask Jimmy if he was in love with me! Then Delaney spilled the beans at dinner and told me Jimmy said he was; I was completely taken off guard.

Upstairs getting ready for the kiss-off, all I did was pace. I was a mess. When Colt walked into the room, all I wanted to do was run. I wasn't ready at that moment to say goodbye. I probably would never be ready. I fell in love with Colt, but I wasn't sure if he was ready to have a committed relationship with me. It's so hard to make a decision from snapshot moments, but at the same time I believe in love at first sight. I knew from the minute Colt walked off the bus that first night, he was someone special. Colt's personality shines right through his beautiful smile and I had a gut instinct that he would be at the house until the end.

 

There was so much more I wanted to talk to Colt about, to share and experience. But we didn't have time on our side. Saying goodbye to Colt crushed my heart. I knew we had a connection on so many levels, but I'd fallen in love with someone else. What scared me the most is that it's easy to fall in love -- staying in love is the hard part. I could only hope that I was making the right decision.

I chose Jimmy for so many reasons. Off camera, we had very intimate moments and conversations about our future. Jimmy is a family man, and I was so attracted to that side of him. I could tell he enjoyed my children and that he appreciates large families. When I met his family, I instantly felt at home. They were so welcoming and warm, and I could visualize me and my kids fitting right in with the Hecks.

Jimmy's charisma and charm is addictive. Every time he walks into a room, I feel drawn to his larger-than-life presence. He has a great sense of humor, and I'm always laughing out loud around him. Jimmy and I have great chemistry. It's funny that he pointed out that some things are "unspoken" and I originally shot him down for that comment. Now I know what he meant: We just clicked. Our energies and passions were completely in sync.

Even though Jimmy told my girls he was in love with me, my biggest fear was that once I told Jimmy I was in love with him, he would get cold feet. So when he got down on one knee and proposed, I was ecstatic! Here I was, at 40, with the man of my dreams on one knee, professing his love. When he placed the ring on my finger I had no fears or reservations. It felt completely right. I felt like I was in a dream! We had fallen in love with each other. Driving away in the limo, we couldn't stop looking at each other in awe and disbelief that we met and fell in love. In such a short time, we both knew in our hearts that love knows no age boundaries and no time restraints.

The saying "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" certainly doesn't apply here: I can't stop talking about our trip to Sin City and how much fun I had with the final three guys!

My date with Colt was off the charts. I don't do well with commercial flights, but put all fears aside and couldn't wait to board the helicopter. I figured if I had a meltdown on the ride, that Colt would be there to reassure me. Wrong! He was absolutely petrified -- the sweat marks under his arms were the size of Rhode Island. He was such a trooper though, and as he clenched my hand, he made every effort to enjoy the ride with me.

The best part of the ride was landing on a majestic peak overlooking the Valley of Fire. There we shared a Mediterranean picnic and Champagne while looking at the horizon. It was beautiful. Flying over The Strip at dusk and looking down upon the city lights was equally romantic and magical. Over dinner, Colt shared his feelings with me, and I have to say, at that moment, I connected with Colt in a way that took me by surprise. He has this way of making me feel special no matter what I might be talking about. He's always supportive of what I share with him and can give me constructive criticism when I need it.

It's so important for a woman to be acknowledged, and Colt knows exactly how to do just that. If I don't connect with someone intellectually, I'm bored in five minutes. It isn't easy finding a partner who keeps me engaged. Colt is a constant mind stimulator and I find his style intriguing. He's also ridiculously smart and opens my mind to new ideas and possibilities. He encourages me. I can tell life with him would be one adventure after another. One of my biggest challenges is finding someone who shares passion in knowledge, deeper thought and creativity. I have felt that Colt has all of this to offer from the first night. Our romantic bubble bath was the perfect time to tell Colt I was falling for him. I was speaking from the heart, but my mind was racing in thought. My feelings for Colt grew by leaps and bounds in Vegas. I love his company, our conversation, his humor, and of all things, his voice. He's got this sexy, calming voice that feels totally familiar.

Racing cars is one of my favorite things to do, so I couldn't wait to show up Mr. Macho (a.k.a. Jimmy) on the race track. I could tell Jimmy was out of his element when he arrived. He lost that confident, debonair way about him and seemed nervous as hell. We suited up, hit the track and I lost him the minute my foot hit the gas -- he was stuck in the wrong gear! Off camera, we popped Champagne to celebrate my victory. When I sprayed him with it, it went right into his eyes, which then became bloodshot and swollen. Talk about adding insult to injury!

Our poolside dinner was so romantic, and Jimmy looked incredibly handsome. That boy knows how to dress. I felt like I could be completely myself around him. I never feel like I have to try too hard with Jimmy; we just seem to click. I feel like I've known him so much longer than I have. Jimmy once told me that he sometimes connects in non-verbal ways. I didn't totally agree at the time, but now I see his view. Jimmy and I have this non-verbal connection that is magnetic for us both. The best way I can describe it is to say it's a soul connection. His presence and style makes me feel like a princess when he is by my side. He walks into any room, at any time, and lights it up. He has an energy about him that draws me to him in a very powerful way.

Gambling in the high roller room was a blast; Jimmy surprises me with how well he carries himself at 23. He understood the strategies of blackjack really well. When he told me to double down on a 12, I questioned his move, but ultimately that hand won me a few hundred bucks!

Our suite looked like a mini-bungalow off an island in Hawaii. One thing is for sure: Jimmy is consistently aggressive physically, which he once again displayed on the pool table. What woman doesn't like a take-charge, sexy and confident man? I've questioned Jimmy's motives from the beginning, but tonight was different. He's expressed over and over that he's here for me. I felt that in Vegas more than ever.

Travis and I hit the spa for the perfect date. He's so relaxed and at ease with himself, so this was complementary to his personality. We enjoyed a couple's massage and then painted each other with a mud mask. I've never experienced that before, and I must say it takes some trust, because I seriously thought we were going to have a mud mask fight and smear it all over each other! Now that we were covered in the green mud, we had to clean up.

Yep...you guessed it -- that's what lead to the steam shower. I'm blushing as I write this, but all I can say is WOW. Travis is beautiful from head to toe. He's chiseled, adorable and sexy wrapped up in one. Our conversation on the deck was more than awkward. I'm sensing that Travis is burdened by his mother's words. I know Travis wants to "date" me, as he's expressed this. I'm not so sure he is ready for a full-blown relationship, though. I'm here to find love, and not just have a fling.

When I met up with Travis for dinner, he was playing a baby grand in the lounge. He's so talented at such a young age. I don't think he gives himself enough credit for his musical gift! At dinner, I teased him about going to the Elvis Chapel of Love and that I had a ring in my purse. His reaction was classic Travis, and that's what I love about him. Travis can laugh at himself and roll with the punches. He is very centered in who he is, which is something that makes him mature beyond his years. In the suite, we danced on coffee tables, Travis did bed flips, and we laughed and laughed. He is so much fun to be with! I can totally let loose and be silly around him.

Vegas was everything I expected. It gave me the chance to get to know each of the guys on a more intimate level. Since the guys didn't see each other during the trip, their sole focus would be on me. I want these guys to put as much thought into being with me long term as I do them. This isn't a frivolous decision for me. We're all so lucky to have this experience that brought us together. Call it serendipity or fate, but whatever it may be, I'm falling for each of them. My mind is consumed with the one man who will be standing in the end.