High School Reunion Blog

I was proud of how most of my classmates handled the insulting behavior from Dennis earlier in the night. I felt like most of us did the "adult" thing and ignored his words, but in some instances, it seemed like if he wasn't getting the rise/effect he wanted, he dug in deeper. I think Shalonda, like many of us, felt like if this is the way it's going to be from here on out and nobody is going to take a stand, then she'd rather leave. In my mind, there's only one person at this point who should leave, and that's the person who's responsible for causing this disaster.  

 Tom, Liz and I pulled Shalonda aside to calm her down and keep her from making a decision while she was upset. Jenny interrupted our conversation in my room to offer how Dennis' past might explain his current behavior. While I believe her heart might have been in the right place, her timing and choice of words were not. I don't believe there's any excuse for acting and behaving the way Dennis did. Not being drunk. Not a rough upbringing. Not personal tragedy. Not ignorance. Nothing.  

So as we were trying to persuade Shalonda to stay and deal with her feelings, the last thing we wanted to hear was an excuse for inexcusable behavior. I regret that my frustrations towards Dennis' attack on Shalonda carried over to Jenny, but at the time the last thing any of us in that room needed was justifications and excuses for his appalling behavior. 

My anger and frustration towards Dennis had very little to do with what he said to me personally, but more with how he treated and spoke to Shalonda and some of the other girls. I know Dennis doesn't really think I'm gay (dorky maybe -- but he used a terrible choice of words to express it), and contrary to what Tyrone said, I’ve never had a problem with Dennis in the past. I'm surprised none of the people who claimed to have a history and friendship with Dennis pulled him aside and tried to put a stop to his behavior. Does a person have to be personally attacked to find the behavior offensive and wrong? If a friend of mine were acting like that toward other people, would I stand idly by and laugh? Can you be loyal to a friend, but still know right from wrong? If Dennis were my friend, I would’ve done everything humanly possible to save him the embarrassment he was causing himself, rather than waiting until the next day to defend him.  

 I wish I could say that for most of us, Dennis' behavior upon his arrival was the low point of the reunion, but unfortunately the next day wasn't much better, either. The aftermath of trying to decide how to deal with this situation was just as difficult and damaging to our group as his words and actions the night before. There were people in the house who were hurt and offended by Dennis' behavior, or were offended by seeing people they care about treated poorly. There were probably some people there who weren't all that bothered by it. And then I'm sure there were some who found themselves stuck in the middle: They care about Dennis, but see the impact his behavior has made.

If Dennis' actions the night before have it so that some people aren't comfortable being at the reunion, then it seemed like a logical decision to discuss whether Dennis should stay or go. Of course, no matter what our thoughts and feelings were, the main person we'd need to hear from before making a final decision would be Dennis himself. How would he behave and act the next day? Would he be apologetic? Is there anything he could say to undo the hurt he caused?  

Dennis woke up the next morning not remembering much of what happened and things were definitely awkward and tense. Thankfully, Scott W. used his hall pass to take Dennis out of the house to go spear fishing. I think that's what we needed for the day. I also believe that talking to a friend like Scott W. who has a history with Dennis, but a respect and friendship with the group, is exactly what Dennis needed to make him aware of how his words hurt and affected the house. 

I was one of the bigger proponents of Dennis leaving. I saw the hurt he caused Shalonda, and knew she was considering leaving. I became aware that he made sexist and derogatory comments to Heather and Liz (as well as what he said to Jenny and Maricela -- whether it bothered them or not), and felt if they weren't going to be comfortable, then he needed to leave. According to Manny, this wasn't the first time he's seen Dennis in this state. Some of his other friends said, "That's just Dennis being Dennis." Knowing these things didn't leave me confident that it couldn't happen again. At that point, I'd rather err on the side of protecting my friends from being offended again than giving Dennis a second chance.  

Tyrone mentions that with Dennis, the good outweighs the bad. I believe that he knows that side of Dennis, the way Scott W. and Jenny do. Chad knows that side, too, but he still can see that if Dennis' behavior has offended a majority of the group, then he needs to leave (regardless of his personal feelings and past with Dennis). At one point, though, Tyrone told me that "No one has the right to tell somebody else how to live their personal life." I disagree. I think that if someone's behavior crosses the line and offends and hurts others, we all have a responsibility to tell them that what they’re doing is unacceptable and that we won't tolerate it.  

 Heather gathered us in the living room so we could discuss where we stood and maybe work towards a resolution. Shalonda suggested that everyone should have a turn to share how they felt if they wanted; Tyrone said that doing that made us just as bad as Dennis going around insulting everyone the night before. I thought he was way off base in this comparison. To suggest that sharing how we felt about his behavior and whether or not we felt he should stay is the same as Dennis' sexist and offensive behavior missed the mark. Tyrone accused me of being too emotionally involved and Shalonda as being defensive, but after watching again, it's obvious he was just as emotionally involved as anyone.  

I agree with Jenny when she said that if Dennis went home, there would be no resolution. But do we ignore the feelings and rights of other innocent people to give Dennis a chance to redeem himself? Is forgiveness even possible in a situation like this? I guess to answer those questions, we'll need to hear from Dennis himself. So Dennis, what do you have to say?